The REAL (really?) Housewives

I have a confession to make. I watched this past season of "The Real Housewives of New York." In a moment of weakness and alone-time, I was channel surfing and looking for something mindless to have on in the background while I read a book. TRHONY had a marathon going on that day, so I decided to give it a try as my white noise.

I had never seen an episode of any of the REAL housewives, so I expected women doing dishes, changing diapers, and doing the laundry, ala a housewife. Um. Nope. Here were these glamorous women going to fashion shows, attending cocktail hours with their friends, taking a jaunt on a yacht, launching new skin-care products, inventing cocktails, and dressed to the nines each day. Of course, being women, there was no shortage of cat fighting, name-calling, backstabbing, and psychotic episodes, which makes it so entertaining, right?

I got hooked. My husband looked at me in dismay last night when he saw the three-part reunion show set to record on our DVR. I justified to him that it is good to have idiotic shows on while I exercise each morning because it makes it go faster. Truthfully, I have to see what Bethenny says to Jill about their damaged friendship and if Ramona makes her weird-eyes face again. Will Kelly flip out like she did on Scary Island? I have to see!

Don't judge me.

It did get me to thinking, however, that "The Real Housewives of Apache County" might be the next big thing. Move over, Orange County, Atlanta, and even New Jersey, here comes the REAL thing. Apache County it must be for two reasons: It sounds better than "The Real Housewives of St. Johns," and, if we fail to produce enough excitement, the crew could venture off to RV, Alpine, and Sanders for more stories.

What do you think, ladies? Shopping at Wal-Mart and Alco, lunch at Speedy B's, on a canoe at Lyman Lake, making homemade oatmeal and avocado paste face masks, getting a snow cone, and dressed in sweats scrubbing the toilet. Hey, we could even throw in a scene or two of Mom and Tot swimming hour for kicks.

We would just have to make one change to the way we currently conduct our female relationships here in our small town. We would actually have to confront one another face-to-face about issues and problems instead of psst-ing it behind backs.

There's the kicker.

Even though TRHONY are catty and mean to each other, at least they have the decency and courage to be honest with one another. Heck, some of them even fight and make up and forgive. Gasp! Some of us have so many knife wounds in our backs that we don't even want to sit down in public anymore for fear of additional pain.

Let the cameras roll...Let's show them what a REAL housewife is. REAL vacuuming. REAL kids driving us nuts but making us grow. REAL smiles. REAL laughter. REAL tailgate parties. REAL casseroles to the neighbors. REAL manure on our shoes. REAL hugs. REAL friendships. REAL niceness. REAL empathy for our sistas going through the same things we are. REAL reality.

BRAVO won't really pick it up, but maybe we could pretend the cameras are watching anyway, because they truly are...

...in the lenses of our children seeing and aping how we treat each other.

...through the scope of young people trying to find out how to act like a grown-up.

...and in the clear ever-watchful eye of the most important Viewer of our lives.