Fashion Faux Pas

I was at Basha's last week, loading up on a great deal on baby food for the ever-starving boy, when a woman tried to maneuver around my cart. I said nicely, "Oh, excuse me," and moved out of her path. A moment later, I moved again, not knowing she had stopped, and I accidentally hit the back of her ankle with my cart. I apologized. She slightly whimpered, sneered at me, and limped away. I didn't hit her that hard. Really, lady. As she walked away, I noticed why she pulled a drama-queen attitude and acted like I purposely ran my cart into her Achilles' tendon to ruin her Thank-you card shopping experience: she was wearing fur-lined, mid-calf, bobble-laden boots. In my experience, women who wear these feel entitled to go wherever they choose to go and do whatever they choose to do, especially in a far-below-them grocery store with an I-scoured-the-Wampum-saver-sale-shopping mom. I don't get these boots. On little or teenage girls, they are fine. They work for them, well most of them. On grown women? Nope. Sorry, ladies. They may keep your feet warm, but they are u.g.l.y. on us. That got me to thinking about age-appropriate fashion.

An audible alarm should sound when women try to enter a store with clothing that is just not for them. A silent alarm DOES sound when the salespeople in Forever 21 approach us and ask if we are shopping for our daughter, or when they simply give us the look. You know the one. Um, does she think she can fit her birthed-a-kid butt into OUR skinny jeans? Whisper whisper. Just go across the mall to Sears, where your kind are welcome and loved. I know. I've been there. It is a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. I bought some socks and left, looking for the nearest Cinnabon to drown my sorrow at being too old for some things.

It's not so bad to be older, though. I'm learning to accept and even enjoy it. I don't have to follow fashion trends. Instead, I have a license to avoid them. Things like too-tight jeans, tee-shirts with cute sayings or cartoon characters, short skirts, hooker boots, tube tops, bikinis, and anything that shows too much. Leave something to the imagination, please. Don't get me wrong - just because I'm in my late thirties, I'm not turning to muumuus and velvet jogging suits, but I am steering clear of the styles worn by those twenty, or even ten, years my junior. I had my day of being "in"; now, it is their turn. Okay, stop laughing, I know I never was really "in." After all, I grew up in the high-hair, legwarmer eighties and lived in SJ. Yellow Front and the JC Penney catalog made up our shopping mecca. Nevertheless, I am 36, and I know I should try to dress my age. Then, maybe I don't have to act it all the time. That's my rationale, and I'm sticking to it.

Furthermore, we should try to dress as our bodies dictate. I know I am short and also short-torsoed. Therefore, I don't tuck in with my belt showing. It makes me look like I've been chopped in half. Come to think of it, most women aren't flattered by this look. Some are, and they are making millions walking catwalks, posing for photo shoots, and eating celery for their three meals a day. Because we real women eat ice cream (yum!) and greasy French fries, when we tuck and belt, we roll - as in showing our rolls. Again, I know. I look in the mirror.

I'm no fashionista, trust me. I have a closet full of style-questionable items that I still hold on to and wear. Plus, I am sitting on my couch in my pajamas at five typing this post. I just think we should do our best to be proud of our ages and our bodies, thus wearing what will make us project that image: Strong, older, sexy women, who don't have to dress like they're sixteen to show it.

Just my opinion.